Good. Better. Best. Which self do you want to be?

February 25, 2010 - Issue #94
How to Let Go of Love

Welcome to The 3-Minute Coach

Hi everyone! Whatever weather you're living through right now, I hope you are enjoying it. If not, remember the next season is just around the corner now. We won't have long before it changes. Personally, I can't wait!

I hope you liked the new Tuesday Touchpoint. Instead of weekly, I decided to do them bi-weekly, on the weeks I don't publish The 3 Minute Coach. I'd certainly love any feedback you have on the Tuesday Touchpoints.

In peace, love and gratitude.
Louise

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Food for Thought

"If you have a talent, use it in every which way possible. Don't hoard it. Don't dole it out like a miser. Spend it lavishly like a millionaire intent on going broke." --- Brendan Francis

Keep It Simple

Nancye Sims' A Creed to Live By

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love. The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you're going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

Feature Article

How to Let Go of Love

Very few of us experience meeting the love of their life in their late teens or early twenties and then commit to them for the rest of their lives (and do it too!). The majority of us have multiple relationships before we find "the right one". While that gives us the opportunity to experience the first rush and excitement of live numerous times, it also means we get to suffer the throes of love lost.

There are so many different feelings we endure, most of them very unpleasant, as we try to get over any relationship. However, there are some strategies we can use to help us let go of love.

Look at the continuum of your life, not just this moment of loss. Even though we spend most of the time asking you to live in the moment, at times of loss we actually recommend you stand back and become an observer of your life. As you look at your life, see if you can determine how this relationship fits in the grand scheme of things.
No matter who initiated the breakup, or even if it's mutual, write a (not-to-be-sent) letter of gratitude for the time the person was in your life. Pay special attention to how the person or relationship has changed you for the better. How did that relationship prepare you for a new and better one?
Remember that not every love or relationship is meant to last a lifetime. I believe that we are intended to explore many different relationships over our lifetimes. Although they may not all be romantic relationships, the fact remains. We need a variety of experiences so that we figure out what does not work for us in order to figure out what we need and want.
Put a time limit on your grieving. Not in terms of months or years, but in how long you allow each pang of loss to remain. When the sadness of loss overcomes you, give yourself five minutes to feel it totally. You'll be surprised to find that after five intense moments, you are actually ready to move on, at least for now. At that point, refocus on what you're doing.
Remember that it is normal and appropriate to grieve a relationship. Don't listen to anyone who, especially in the early stages, tells you to "get on" with your life. It takes as long as it takes. Of course, wallowing in the grief will not serve you in the long term. The trick is to feel the grief when you feel it but not to let it overwhelm you.
If you have a lot of fear, keep in mind that it's of the unknown. When we thought we had a solid relationship and could picture a future, it feels like we are losing our footing. Very often when we grieve the person, we are really grieving the end of those dreams. What if we never find someone else again? What if they are not as "perfect" as the one just gone. Well, we could also ask What if they were not, after all, the right one. Again, look at what you learned about yourself in the relationship and how you can put that knowledge to work to change your life to bring in what you really want.
Know that one day, in the not too distant future, you will love again and that love will be deeper and stronger because of the relationship you're letting go of today.

Related Quotes

"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop. " -- Unknown

" Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met." -- Unknown

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. " -- Kahlil Gibran

"The only cure for grief is action. " -- George Lewis

"If you said good-bye to me tonight, There would still be music left to write. " -- Billy Joel

"Sadness flies away on the wings of time. " -- Jean de la Fontaine

Recent Blog Posts

Class Act: Honor
Thoughts on Self-Care
Declaration of Self Esteem
MiniMeditation: Adventure
3 Ways to Relax (#9)

The Welcome Mat Guest Column:

Reinventing Self - A Light Bulb Moment
By Ralph P. Brown

The crowning achievement for every inventor is to invent something like the light bulb, something that is truly beneficial to the world and contributes significantly to its advancement and growth.

Everyone is an inventor. Like the Source from which we all originate, we are creators. Each day we are working to create and invent, or in some cases, reinvent, our most important work - the self.

Like every inventor of note, we have good ideas and we have those that aren't so good. We have ideas that are life affirming and life changing, then we have others that are impractical which don't really serve us.

The Master Inventor
The well-known inventor, Thomas Edison, who was credited with inventing the light bulb was also the inventor of... concrete furniture. He made concrete beds, pianos, phonograph consoles and an array of other items. As you can imagine, these inventions didn't take so well. When asked about these inventions he said that he was looking for ways to make concrete more marketable by finding new uses for it.

He was asked how he felt about the failure of these inventions? To this he said, "I didn't fail, I just found many ways not to use concrete."

The Lesson
Like Thomas Edison, we often look for new ways to use and develop old things, old habits. There is a chance that not every idea will be as monumental as the light bulb but we learn each time we make an attempt, even if it is only to learn how NOT to use it.

There is a saying that goes:
"It matters not to try and fail and try and fail again.
It matters much to try and fail and fail to try again."

Failure in this context of self-growth and development comes not when we invent the equivalent of concrete furniture or appliances, it comes when we cease to do or be better as a person and as a people. Whether we give in to the idea that mediocre is good enough - or allow ourselves to be discouraged by what we perceive as failures, the only thing that comes from no effort... is no reward.

I don't know if Thomas Edison invented the light bulb after concrete instruments and furniture or before. I do know that he holds more patents than any other inventor and he never stopped in his pursuit to do more. It is likely that his positive attitude and want to make life better is what drove his success.

By adopting this same positive attitude and living life from an unrelenting perspective and belief that we are not failures even when our "inventions" aren't always a success, how can we create anything other than a more positive self and a better life?

I believe there is the potential for each inventor to discover many light bulbs. The first comes when the light goes on and he realizes what is possible. The possibilities are truly endless.

What will you create?

Ralph P. Brown (Mohawk name: Tawennihake) shares ancient Native American Indian philosophies and beliefs so your can make the most of this life!

He is a registered tribal member of the St. Regis band of Mohawk Indians. An educator and instructor on the use of the Medicine Wheel, he is a pipe carrier, ceremony leader, traditional storyteller and author of "Awakening the Eagle: A Guide to the Medicine Wheel" and "13 Virtues to a New Life: A Journey Around the Medicine Wheel" available at http://www.RalphPBrown.com or Amazon.

Having lived with several tribes and studied with many Medicine Men, he brings to his work a lifetime of study and experience. Ralph a self-taught artist paints brilliant water colors and also uses a stipple style to create pointillistic impressions of his cultural and spiritual ideas. He draws inspiration from his native culture, nature and his unique perspective on the world and his spirituality.

He and his wife Anita live in Nebraska where they own and operate http://www.MirroredWindows.com, an online art gallery. Sign up there for a free bi-weekly email newsletter to receive additional insight, stories, lessons and visual creations.

Working Towards Wholeness: Action Step

[For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness]

WHOLENESS KEY: Focus on the Elements
ELEMENT: Positive Self Regard
ACTION STEP: 3 Tips to Appearing and Becoming Confident by Jay A. Jenkin

Confidence gets you many things in life - increased opportunities and exposure at work, better relationships with friends and loved ones, and the ability to meet and connect with all different sorts of people.

It seems like a trait people are born with, but it is not. You can learn to seem more confident - and the more confident you seem, the more confident you will eventually become.

It is that classic "fake it until you make it" cliche come to life. Here are some quick tips that will help you look and therefore feel more confident in your day-to-day life.

1. Improve your posture.

Think about the people watching you do on a daily basis. Who seems happier, more confident, and more approachable - someone who is standing with their head high and shoulders back, or someone who slumps and slouches?

People who lack self-confidence often try to take up as little space as possible - nonverbally, they are telling people, "I'm less important, and I don't think I have much to offer." Practice straightening your shoulders and sucking in your stomach in front of a full-length mirror, and see how much your expression automatically changes. If back pain or muscle weakness is affecting your posture, consider joining a yoga or stretching class, or wearing a posture brace at home to help you train your muscles back into position.

2. Make eye contact.

This is the single most important way to express interest in someone else - and confidence is definitely interesting. You do not need to stare someone down when you are having a conversation, but consistent eye contact of one to two seconds throughout an interaction will establish rapport with someone, and let him or her know you are involved in what they are telling you. Practice making a speech in front of a mirror, and make eye contact with yourself until it feels more comfortable.

3. Smile.

Smiling alters the planes of your face. When you smile, you naturally widen your eyes, which makes you seem more approachable (and younger) than when your face is in a neutral position.

Smiling is a contagious gesture, much like yawning - people are socially ingrained to smile back at you. This mirrored gesture again establishes comfort and rapport between people. If you are self-conscious about your teeth, consider using whitening strips to minimize yellowness, or investigate invisible braces for more extreme orthodontia issues.

These tips are universal for nearly every culture, and easy to implement for even the shyest of people. Practice them every day until they become an ingrained part of your body language - and watch the change in how people interact with you.

Jay has been interested in family, finance and health issues for many years now.

Please visit his latest website at http://cheapdogkennels.net/ which helps people find the best Outdoor Dog Kennel and information and pricing on all types of different dog kennels.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jay_A._Jenkin
http://EzineArticles.com/?3-Tips-to-Appearing-and-Becoming-Confident&id=3787043

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All That BIZ

Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality.
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Louise is a Life Success Coach who partners with individuals who are READY (to live their best life), WILLING (to explore all options) and ABLE (to accept total support). She specializes in helping those who know what they want to do and how to do it but still can't seem to get it done by breaking through the blocks and barriers to their success. For many free resources, including Louise's free newsletter of insightful, practical suggestions for creating your best life, visit her website at

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February 25, 2010 - Issue #94How to Let Go of Love